My Story, My Song

“gath-er-ing” noun… An assembly or meeting, especially a social or festive one or one held for a specific purpose.

There’s just something about a gathering. We look forward to them for weeks, even years in advance. When we are through with a particularly successful “gathering”, we revisit the good points in our minds by looking at pictures, talking about our favorite parts, and thinking about the next time we’ll be meeting together.

What is it about a gathering that makes it so wonderful? Well, the people involved play a huge role! I love to gather with my family. We can make an occasion out of anything! Birthdays, holidays, weddings, new houses, baby showers, baby gender reveals, loosing a tooth, changing of seasons, practicing new songs…we’ll bring food and have a party over it! My dad’s side of the family is the Muncher family. We are known for singing and “partying”…and there are lots of us. We can really pull off a gathering, especially at Christmas. We sing, dance, have talent shows…you should really come and be a Muncher for a night–it’s great!

And don’t you love those gatherings with friends? Especially the friends that you haven’t seen in awhile, but you can just pick up where you left off as if you just saw each other the day before? I have some friends like that, and I cherish my times with them. When I meet up with these friends, it seems like the minutes turn into seconds and they run away before I can catch them. There’s never enough time to catch up.

One of the sweetest gatherings is with other Christian believers. I totally believe that “where two or three are gathered in the name”, God is with us (Matthew 18:20). I feel His presence all the time, but when I with my church family, whether it be my home church or any group gathered together in His name and for His purpose, His spirit is so sweet and holy.

There are other things that make gatherings so delightful. There are the memories we visit, the laughter we share, and, of course, the food we eat! Yes, gatherings can be so rewarding and enjoyable.

I do have to acknowledge, however, that I have been a part of some gatherings that were not exactly enjoyable. Maybe a stressful parent meeting at school, or a meeting with a friend to discuss a difference between us. A funeral when I couldn’t understand why… And yes, even a church service at a place where there was division among the gathering. Those weren’t my favorite meetings. But they do cause me to think about what I bring to the “gatherings” in my life. Do I bring a divisive spirit? A bad attitude? Half-hearted attempts?

I am not a perfect person. As a matter of fact, none of us are! If I was left to my own devices, my offerings for the meeting would not be very grand. I’ve never been described as “the life of the party”–I’m too quiet and reserved for that. I’m not much of a cook (although my five year old loves my pb&j’s). My decorating skills are…lacking, and that’s being kind.

But here’s the great news: I haven’t been left to my own devices. God takes my insecurities  and replaces them with peace. He takes my crummy little peanut butter sandwiches and offers a feast in my place. He takes my unattractive, uncreative décor and replaces it with the grandeur of heaven. He replaces my attitude, arguments, and complaints with His grace.

“Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am with them.” (Matthew 18:20) He really is the Life of the party, isn’t He?

There is coming a day when we will have a gathering like no other. We will gather with our brothers and sisters in Christ on the shores of heaven! And what a gathering it will be! There are really no words that can adequately describe the wonder, the amazement, the joy of what that moment will be.

My great-grandparents were married for 70 years. When my great-grandmother was in her eighties, after suffering a series of strokes, her family knew she was about to go to live with Jesus in heaven. My great-grandfather bent down close to her ear and whispered “Wait for me by the river, will you? I’ll be there soon.”

I think he thought he’d go to heaven a little sooner than he did…he actually lived on this earth to be almost 102! At his funeral, his daughter smiled through her tears and said, “He finally got to meet up with Mama by the river!”

One day, friends, we’ll gather at the river that flows by the throne of God. What a wonderful gathering we have to look forward to! This is our story, friends, and this is our song! Take a listen…

What a Friend We Have in Jesus.

“It is enough to ask only the Father.”

This was the life motto of Amy Carmichael, who spent most of her life as a missionary in India. I learned about Amy Carmichael at the monthly Women on Mission meeting at my church. I’ve been immersed in the study of missions throughout my entire life thanks to the mission-minded church that I grew up in. Mt. Zion Baptist Church has a missions program for all ages. When I was a preschooler, I was in Mission Friends. I can still smell the home-made playdough that Mrs. Tammy let us help make. Then, as we built churches with our playdough, she told us that missionaries were people who told others about Jesus. From Mission Friends to Girls in Action as a child, to AcTeens as a teenager, and then on to Women on Mission, I have spent the majority of my Wednesday nights since I was little learning about missionaries and their work. But no missionary’s story has ever impacted me as much as Amy Carmichael’s did this past February.

I was so affected by her because I realized that I wanted her life’s motto to be mine.

It is enough to ask only the Father.

How many times have I asked God for something but then, instead of waiting for His response, I’ve gone and tried to “help” matters along on my own? How many times have I turned to others for help before asking my Father, who is waiting to provide?

“ ‘Test me in this,’ says the LORD Almighty, ‘and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and  pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.’” Malachi 3:10

Yes, friends, it is indeed enough to ask only the Father. His word says so!

Lately I’ve been drawn to the story of Hannah in the first chapter of 1 Samuel. What a story she had to tell! Hannah longed for a baby of her own but “the LORD had closed her womb”(v.6). What could she do? There were no specialists, surgeries, or pills to take. Hannah turned to the Father. The Bible says that “Hannah prayed to the LORD, weeping bitterly”(v.10) and then “the LORD remembered her…Hannah gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, ‘Because I asked the LORD for him.’”(v.19-20). Even in her distress and despair, even when she had waited so long that she was weeping bitterly, Hannah went before her Father and trusted in Him to provide. And He remembered her.

I want a faith like Hannah’s. It wasn’t a feeble faith, based on circumstances. It was a complete faith, a complete trust in the Father, even when she had to wait.

See, that’s when I run into trouble with myself. It’s the waiting. I’m not good at that. When I ask God for something, and nothing happens, I tend to think that’s His way of saying no. But what if, instead of saying no, He’s whispering wait? His timing is so much better than mine (I mean, it’s perfect…that’s MUCH better than mine!). His ways are higher. His wisdom is never-ending. His love is boundless. If He says to wait when I ask, it’s because what He has in store is so much better than what I could even imagine!

So this past February at Women on Mission as we learned about asking only the Father, we were asked to write down our petition to the Lord and seal it in an envelope. We would pray daily to the Father about what was on our card. We would trust Him, and only Him, to provide for the need or desire on our card. Here’s what my card said.

I’d been in a state of unrest for weeks over all of these new words and songs and ideas that the Lord has inspired in me. I wanted to share them! But I wasn’t sure how to make the time to share. I wanted to find places to share and people to share with (poor Chris…he gets to hear me share daily and he always listens and never complains!). And then there’s the matter of my disposition. I’m not necessarily what you’d call a “go-getter”. I’m more of a “come-to-me-er”. So I asked God for opportunities to share. I also asked Him to give me the courage and confidence to take my opportunities when He sent them and use them for His glory.

Now, Hannah asked for a child and I asked for opportunities. My request seems kind of small compared to hers, doesn’t it? But that’s the great thing about my Father! What’s big to me is big to Him. Nothing that concerns you is too small for His concern. It is enough to ask only the Father. He will respond.

So I trusted Jesus that night and decided to wait on Him for opportunities. And what a relief it was to give it all to Him, fully trusting that He would provide! You know, when you’re waiting on the Lord, knowing He’s going to provide in His way, it takes a lot of pressure off your shoulders. Each morning you can wake up with fresh expectations and excitement about what He will do and make available for you.

I asked God for opportunities. He has provided every day since I asked. A friend to listen to a new song,  a church  or group to share with, a verse or two (or three or four) about waiting for Him, and a time to write new words and songs. He has provided friends who are also writers that I can share with and learn from. He has even provided opportunities to meet and learn from some great writers and heroes of mine. People I would have never dreamed that I’d get to meet, much less learn from.  He has undeniably opened up the floodgates of opportunity. Some of the sweetest opportunities have been with my own children. He has opened up pathways to conversations with my boys about living in His will that have been so rich and rewarding.

And I wonder if the opportunities were there before and I didn’t notice them because I hadn’t asked and trusted for them?

Do you have a need or desire today? Nothing is too big or too small to ask only the Father for. He’s waiting to open up those floodgates and show us how sweet it is to trust Him! This is an ongoing part of my story, and this is my song. Take a listen!

I have two precious boys that call me mommy. They love me with abandon, and I love them with my entire heart. They are the apple of my eye and they are their daddy’s best buddies.

My two treasures are as different as night and day.

Parker is seven and is a rule follower to the core. He walks the line with ferociousness, but that’s about as ferocious as he gets! Parker is quiet, and he inherited a shyness from his mother that is hard to get rid of. Shyness is not always a good friend. It sticks close to us as a friend does, but it inhibits us from the things we love at times. It invites insecurity, doubt, and fear into our minds and hearts. Shyness is something I struggle with to this day and my little sweet Parker has the same disposition. Parker is so smart. He has a wonderful memory and usually has to hear something just once to remember it.

Peyton is five and follows whatever beat his little drum is making at the moment. He is full of sweetness and sunshine all day. Peyton is not shy! He loves to perform, whether it is on a stage or the soccer field (Oh, are we playing a soccer game right now? Sorry, I was too busy singing to the parents on the sideline!). Peyton loves to learn and he loves school. His face is so content and engaged when he is listening to his teachers. He looks just like his daddy, and, according to his Meme, acts just like his daddy did when he was a little boy. 🙂

I remember when we were expecting Parker, everyone gave us so much good advice and many words of wisdom…and words of warning. Be ready to give up sleep for awhile. Get him on a schedule right away—it’ll be easier for all of you. Start reading to him while he’s in the womb, and while you’re at it, play classical music for him while he’s in there. Pray for him. Start a journal for him. Start a college fund for him. Raise him up in the admonition of the Lord.

I smiled and nodded and agreed. Yes, I was ready to give up sleep for my baby. I was praying for him daily. I bought books for him all the time—his library was already full. I had his schedule ready to go. He was sure to follow it. I was ready. After all, I was a teacher. I was used to kids, right? Oh, and I had another bonus on my part–I had been a daycare worker! That’s right, I had worked at a wonderful daycare all through college and had even been in the nursery. Motherhood, watch out, I was about to conquer.

I remember the day he was born like it was this morning. I remember the contractions that I’d waited nine months for. They were painful, but they were bringing my baby boy closer to my arms. I remember the epidural “not taking” the first time, and not getting a second try with it until about 8 centimeters. And then, when I realized the epidural had worked the second time, thinking I was home free. Until the nurse said he was breech I’d be having a c-section! I had Parker twenty minutes later. I’d waited for nine long months, and now he was suddenly here in a matter of minutes.

My family came from all over. Really, it was like they came out of the woodwork. There were hoards of them, all ready to greet this baby. They were in the lobby and the halls, snapping pictures and cheering. They flowed into the room and gathered around him in his warmer, taking pictures and talking about how perfect he was. They loved him already. My sister came over to me and said “He’s beautiful! Hey… do you want me to fix your hair?” I realized that I looked like a train wreck at that moment and needed a little fixing up!

And then, they left. Chris was exhausted and took a nap. And it was just me and Parker. Someone had rolled his little bed up right beside me. I couldn’t reach over and get him to hold him, so I just looked at him. And he stared back at me. And it was like he knew. He knew what I suddenly realized. That I had no clue what a mother was supposed to do. I wasn’t prepared, even thought I had thought I was. I didn’t know what I was doing!

When Parker was born, I dealt with a lot of insecurities about being a mom. I worried that I wasn’t feeding him enough, that I wasn’t reading to him enough, that I wasn’t giving him enough time on his belly. I worried that I wasn’t holding him enough, then I worried that I was holding him too much. I worried that he was too hot, then I worried that he was too cold. And I couldn’t even begin to think of what I’d do when he got sick.  I was, essentially, a mess.

I did have enough presence of mind to pray. I prayed for Parker, as so many people had reminded me to do. I prayed for Chris, who was way more level-headed about bringing up babies than I was. And I prayed for myself, which was probably the best thing I could’ve done. On those nights when I just really, really wanted to sleep and Parker’s baby voice came singing into my dreams (okay- not always singing into my dreams, sometimes it was more like a foghorn into my exhaustion), I shuffled to his bed and held him and rocked him (and tried not to make eye contact with him because he was wide awake and wanting to play—I thought if I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep, he’d fall asleep, too!) and I prayed. I realized that even though I didn’t feel like a mother who knew what to do, I was still a mother. I asked God to help me and to show me what to do. I asked him to take my insecurities away. I told God that I would try not to take the insecurities back into my hands once they were in His. I still ask for His help in keeping my insecurities in His hands.

And God answered me in the quiet moments of the night. He reminded me that I am His. That I am who He called me to be. He called me to be Parker and Peyton’s mother, so He is equipping me to be their mother, even when I don’t feel like I’m doing a great job. He called me to be a Christ-like example to not just my boys, but to my students at school, to my friends and family , and He is equipping me daily. He called me to be a singer, a writer, and a teacher, and He is constantly equipping me to do those things. I am nothing without Him.

He also reminded me of some other things that He calls me. He calls me worthy, treasured, and pure. He calls me friend, daughter, and loved. He calls me redeemed, saved, and changed. He calls me chosen. He calls me these things even when I am, essentially, a mess.

I find myself calling my baby boy, Peyton, a “mess” sometimes. I usually use it as a term of endearment. He does seem to get into some pretty interesting scrapes.

I have lots of names for my boys. Parkie-poo. Pate-pate. Buddy. Buddy-boo.  Boo. Boo-boo. Boo-bear. Lots of boo’s. Anyway, I use them because I love my boys and they are terms of endearment from me to them. My love for them is just a drop in the ocean compared to my Father’s love for me. How many terms of endearment does He have for me?

What does the Father call you? He calls you chosen. He calls you child. He calls you changed! He calls you forgiven. He calls you friend. And He is also specifically calling you to be something that is special for you. Whatever He calls you, whatever He calls you to be, He will equip you for it. He believes in you. He made you for a specific purpose, whether it is to mother, father, teach, sing, preach, serve, build, nurse, listen,…the list is endless.

In Jeremiah 1:5, God  says to us “Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you…” (The Message). He has had a plan and a purpose for you before you were even born!

When I am feeling insecure or overwhelmed by my task at hand, He reminds me that I can be just the way He made me to be. I can go just the way He is showing me. I can be who He called me to be.

I have a new song to sing to the Lord today! I wondered for awhile what to name the song, and now I know. This song is Who You Called Me To Be. Take a listen!

Busy. That’s me this year, this month, and especially this week. I knew it was coming and I thought I was prepared for it, but, as it always does, the busyness conquered me again. Or so it seemed.

For the past month, my husband and I have been traveling for various reasons, sometimes together, sometimes alone. Both of our sweet boys are involved in piano lessons, mission friends and RAs, soccer practice, and schoolwork (like so many of your children, I know!). I knew that these past two weeks were going to be extremely busy. I had written it down on the calendar. I had made all of the preparations in my ever-busy mind that I thought were necessary for my family to keep running through the race of what we know as our life.

I even prayed about it. God, I’m going to have such a busy week. Please help me to…what? What did I want Him to help me do? Just get through it? Make a difference? What did I want to do? This is a hole I always seem to fall in when I get “busy”. I plan. I prepare. I even pray. And then the “busy” happens and my plans and preparations fall apart, and then by the end of the week I usually fall apart and my husband and kids skirt around me like I’m a balloon that they are afraid to pop! I’m not worrying about making a difference or even getting through the week anymore. I just want to sit down for a minute!

I have the best of intentions with my plans. But my plans are human plans and they easily fail.

When the “busy” happens, the first plan to go is the housework plan. I’m afraid that I’m not the best housekeeper in the first place and I quickly put other things ahead of cleaning the house. I saw this on Facebook today:

When I saw it, I thought “Who actually gets all the laundry done ever?” Mine has never been done even for 12 seconds! It seems to grow while I sleep…or maybe while I’m running around from one busy activity to another!

The next thing to go is the diet plan. Every Sunday I say that I’m going to start eating right on Monday, and well…you know the drill. I get busy. I stay after school to work on lesson plans, then rush the boys to piano lessons, then run home to change clothes for the soccer games. Suddenly, Taco Bell looks like manna from heaven and before I know it I’ve had all my weight watcher points for the week in one meal! How does this keep happening?

It’s all downhill after that. I allow the “busy” to take over. I let in the noise of life. And it tries to drown out my Savior’s still, small voice. When I don’t hear Him, I began to hear something else. It’s the voice of the enemy, who tells me that I am not a good teacher because I don’t spend enough time planning the most effective lessons. Or that I’m not being a good friend because I’m not listening to my sweet coworkers when they have a problem to talk about. The enemy suggests that I’m not a good wife and mommy because I’m not spending enough quality time with my boys and husband–we’re just running in the same direction but we’re  not really running together. The enemy laughs at me and says that I couldn’t possibly write songs that could make a difference in someone’s life…

Does this happen to you, friends?

When this happens, we have a choice. We can take these snippy little whispers from the enemy and dwell on them until we believe them. We can let them bring us down until our attitudes and actions make us unbearable to be around. Believe me, I’ve been there. Or…we can focus on our Savior’s still, small voice. It really is bigger than all of the noise of our busy lives. He is bigger than the “busy”. He is bigger than our emotions, our tiredness, our overwhelming circumstances. He is bigger than the enemy. Always. And He is with us all the time. Whether we are driving from one activity to another, sitting on the sidelines with the rest of the busy parents, working at our jobs, or doing the laundry, He is there.

I have learned that when I am feeling overwhelmed, I can quietly talk to Him. God, I’m so tired. Lord, I’m so frustrated with my never-ending list. Am I making a dent in it? Father, where did those dirty clothes come from? Do they even belong to my family?!? He understands me. He cheers me on. He helps me. He has called me to be His. He calls me Chosen, Daughter, Friend, Beloved, and Righteous.  He says I am who He says I am!

So now my prayer is not one of desperation or confusion. It’s one of quiet confidence in a Savior who loves me and helps me. God I’m going to have such a busy week. Let me hear You through the noise. Let me make time to sit with You before the busy seeps in. You can take over instead of the busyness.

One hymn that’s been on my mind lately is “Near to the Heart of God”. This song was written by Cleland B. McAfee after the death of his two young nieces in 1901. I’ve always loved singing this hymn at church, and this past week I stayed up late and came up with a new melody for the beautiful lyrics.  The first verse and refrain are some of my favorite words. There is a place of quiet rest, near to the heart of God. A place where sin cannot molest, near to the heart of God. O Jesus, blest Redeemer; sent from the heart of God. Hold us who wait before Thee near to the heart of God.

I’m so glad for a God who loves me so much that He’d send the Son of His heart to redeem me so that I could be near His heart also. When the busyness threatens to take over, I’m so glad that I can simply draw near to the heart of my God.