Teachers Say The Craziest Things

You know, kids say crazy stuff. They do crazy stuff. And those of us who spend most of our days around them end up saying and doing crazy things ourselves. When a teacher is “in the moment,” sometimes words come out that aren’t planned. They’re not bad, they’re just…crazy. But needed!

One of my high school besties once said to me, “I wish I could just be a fly on the wall and see the way you handle the stuff that comes up in your room!” And this got me to thinking…she’d hear some pretty silly things come out of my mouth. The thing is, most of the time when a teacher is talking, he or she is being utterly serious about the matter (in my case at least–if I crack for a minute, my kids lose all control). If you were to pass by and hear a snippet of the things that are coming out of teachers’ mouths, you would probably get a good laugh.

There are reasons, though, for the things I say to my kids! I have this innate, strong need to explain things to them that sometimes drives me to say things I’d never say in a conversation with adults.

So, think “serious Paige” as you read these real comments that have come out of my mouth with my kindergarten students. By the way, names have been changed to protect the innocent  guilty. I’ve never had students named Jane or Robert!:)

Oh, the things I say: 

Thank you if you did not bark like a dog in the lunchroom today. 

Everyone look down at your hands and feet and make sure you have control of them. Look carefully, because some of you think you are in control of your hands and feet but your hands and feet are definitely out of control. Look carefully now!

Thank you if you are not saying “moooos-tache” over and over.


No, I’m not eighty one.

No, I’m not twelve.

Yes, actually I do have a car. Yes, I can drive. No really, see, here’s my driver’s license.

Hey Robert, fingers aren’t made for mouths, okay?

Hey Robert, markers aren’t made for mouths, okay?

Hey Robert, pencils aren’t made for mouths, okay?

Robert! Don’t put your shoestrings in your mouth!

Thank you if you weren’t howling like a wolf in the lunchroom today.

Oh, look everyone. Jane has decided to walk without her finger over her lip and she’s being so quiet even without it! You don’t actually have to have your finger over your mouth to be quiet! That’s amazing, Jane! Let’s all try it, okay?

No, I’m not in sixth grade. Actually I’m out of school.

Hey Robert, only come out of the bathroom if you have all of your clothes on.

Those are not nice words! You take those words and put them back in your mouth right now! Put them back in and swallow them. That’s right. Don’t let them back out!

Thank you if you did not moo like a cow over and over in the lunchroom today. 

No, those are not water fountains in the boys’ restroom. They’re called urinals…

Everyone look down at your feet and see if they are walking, because some are dancing and we want them to be walking.

No, I’m not seventy- two.

No, I’m not thirteen.

Who’s my “prince”? Oh, you mean the guy in the picture? That’s Mr. Chris. Well, he’s my husband…(which started a looooonnnnng conversation) 

Jane, is your backpack ringing?

What? You have a lizard in your backpack in a cheezits box?

No, I’m not 100. 

Yes, I have a birthday. 

Thank you if you were not sitting in the sink in the restroom. 

Okay, Robert, I’m going to help you gather your thoughts for this sentence. You are a little..(he answers)….heathen?  No, that’s not what I was going to say actually. I was going to say you are a little boy. 

Let’s see who is doing exactly as I said. First of all, put the sausage down

There’s a real way and a not-real way to laugh. If you see something funny, you just laugh normally, like this. Some of us are laughing in a not-real way. We are waiting for something funny to happen  in the story and then we are falling in the floor and hollering and rolling around. That’s not the real way to laugh. Let’s only laugh the real way. Let’s practice right now laughing the real way.

Someone in here is chirping like a cricket but I want them to stop. I don’t want to know who it is. No, don’t tell me. But if it is you, just stop.

You’ve got something in your nose? It looks to be a rock.

Thank you if you are not ribbet-ing right now. 

Go to the restroom, Jane. You don’t have much time. I want you to hurry, hurry, hurry. But I don’t want you to run. Go fast, now. Don’t run!

Yes, I went to college. 

Yes, I can read. 

No, actually I don’t live here at school. 

Okay, so we are telling our opinion about Groundhog Day. What do you want to happen? Remember, your sentence is going to be about Groundhog Day, not macaroni! 

Hey everybody, Robert’s going to be our leader and helper today. Yay!

Oh, the things we say in the classroom. If you are teacher in school, daycare, home, or church, we’d love to hear some of the crazy things you’ve said in all seriousness before. Leave a comment below! These are just the tip of the iceberg for me. 🙂

I’m glad I get to laugh and have fun with my friends at school, both young and old!

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28 Responses to Teachers Say The Craziest Things

  1. Reblogged this on Talmidimblogging and commented:
    Great article!

  2. Tammy Holmes says:

    I say this one every day ” look your shoes fell off again” the life of working with toddlers

  3. RJ Dawson says:

    This is great, Paige! Thanks.

  4. Inese Poga Art Gallery says:

    This was funny! I’ve worked for very many years at schools, this put smile on my face! Great post!

  5. Wendy Riley says:

    From a first grade repeater. Mrs, Riley I really didn’t fail your class last year. It’s that I had so much fun with you I wanted to do it all over again.

  6. atimetoshare says:

    Thanks for the chuckles.

  7. This is quite funny. It reminds me of some of the crazy things I’ve found myself saying since becoming a mom!

  8. joyroses13 says:

    Loved the water fountains one 🙂 Good post! Always good to laugh!

  9. Laura May says:

    My favorite… your sentence will be about Groundhog’s Day, not macaroni. I’m so glad I’m not the only saying these things. I usually say them, turn around and notice another teacher or administrator laughing and walking away. I have had a similar conversation as your real and not-real way to laugh with yawning…EVERY year. This will be my 23rd year teaching kindergarten. “We can yawn with our mouths closed, like this (yawn). A yawn is actually silent. Like this, (yawn). Let’s everyone yawn together, the polite kindergarten way (yawn). We don’t actually have to YELL as we yawn, like this AAAGGH! That is the impolite way to yawn. Do you think I yawn like that in my teacher meetings?” The yelling always gets a laugh from students.

  10. McCall says:

    I had a very rambunctious 3rd grader a couple of years ago…his name definitely isn’t Johnny. 😉

    Me: “Johnny, that voice is too loud.”
    Johnny (across the classroom, in front of 21 other 8 year olds): “And Miss Sanderson, THAT voice is too cranky!”


  11. “Let’s see who’s listening!” I can’t wait to see the look on my students’ faces when I say, “Put the sausage down.” (Well, at least the students who do listen :))

  12. Pingback: Teachers Say The Craziest Things — My Story, My Song – Life and Times of Blanca Reyes

  13. Jana byrd says:

    “Why do you have your head under the faucet?” I asked this question to a 1st Grade boy during my very first observation! His response, “I wanted to spike my hair today and Mama wouldn’t let me!”

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